Not been the greatest of days, I have gone to far now and regret some of the decisions I have made. The area manager was down today and he did have a chat with me it was nothing that I was not expecting so my job situation is just as I thought it would be, oh well not long to go now just need to keep my finger on that good old self destruct button and wait for the bang. :(
I do however find myself lost for words at the moment but I should thank both Arienne and Ashley for leaving comments.
Monday, August 22, 2005
I really donít know what I will do next at this moment in time I am very close to exploding and not for the reason many of you would think. My problem is I let things stew over in my head and this means I am unable to get rid of them, to wipe the slate clean as they say and I have let this go on for far to long. Believe it or not I have been afraid of what has actually happened happening if I confronted this problem and strangely enough my horoscope this week has the following in it,
ďYou have probably discovered that one issue has come back time and time again this month, and you are keen to resolve it for good. There still may be obstacles in the way of achieving this, but go with the flow anyway and see what comes up.Ē
I know that you can fit a horoscope to suit whatever is going on in your life at that moment in time but I really canít go on like this.
It seems that the problem with my phone was not major just a slight technical hitch so it should be working fine now not that I would notice if it was not working but enough about that bitching, oh well Iím off so feel free to talk in peace.
Monday, August 22, 2005
I knew the end was coming but did not realise just how quickly things would be put into motion the area manager will be down at the store tomorrow and will be speaking to me so that will be fun!
To add to all my problems my mobile phone does not seem to be working as I can send no messages and can make no calls with it so I am guessing that no one can get through to me either. I am trying to remember when I last used it to make a call or send a message. Funny as a few weeks ago I was thinking of going on to a contract, okay I wanted a better phone but looking at it now would have been a waste of money. But then again wasting money is something I am good at.
Saturday, August 20, 2005
Well Big Brother has only just finished which means it's time for the X Factor, I have to admit that after hearing what goes on in the background on the programme I don't think I will be watching it as much as previously.
Thursday, August 18, 2005
I managed to track down an old school friend yesterday, though his sister and I have no idea what my reasons for this were, it must be close to ten years ago since I last saw or spoke to this person and a lot can happen in that time. I know people can change a great deal in only a short time so I do wonder how time would have changed him, I may not have moved on with my life since school but I am sure the world has not kept pace with me. In fact I think it was a mistake to try and get back in contact with me at a time when I have no idea where I am going I am trying to go back in time!!
I really had to bite my tongue at work today as my favourite person started having a whine about why a member of staff had bought her a present back from holidays? She then went on to tell me that getting presents for each other had stopped; in fact it was her that insisted that we no longer got anything for each other and said that this would start after my birthday at the start of June, her birthday was at the end of July and I suggested that we stop after her birthday. Her response to this was that it would stop after my birthday and if we got anything for her she would hand it back to us, once I heard this I told the rest of the staff that under no circumstances would I be involved with anything they were planning for her birthday and explained my reasons why. Of course she was off on her birthday and it came and went and on returning to work I am sure she was slightly annoyed that there was no fuss made no present and no card, in fact I am surprised it took her this long to bring it up in front of me and again because I no longer bite she has to go on, instead of her being upset about it she says that it is her son and mother that are Ė well tough I really donít want a Christmas card, not that I would be there to get one! Oh yes the present that started all this off was a stick of rock.
Wednesday, August 17, 2005
If you were expecting a joyful entry look away now...
I had been expecting it for some time now and today it arrived in the post, the letter from work that tells me that ďDuring the last 2 periods my figures have failed to reach the required standardsĒ so finally all the pieces are beginning to move into place for my eventual downfall, as I said I have been expecting this but have I got a grip of this oar on my boat ride through life in an attempt to move against the current and try and change course or am I going to chance going through these up coming rapids and hope that I make it though in one piece. I really donít know; some people may feel that I have already given up and maybe after looking at things I have. Oh well whatever will be, will be.
Congratulations to Fox for passing his exam, we all knew you could do it after spending all the time
Tuesday, August 16, 2005
A rather long post I'm afraid...
Over the last few weeks I have been evaluating certain things and certain aspects of my life, and I have come to the conclusion that the last 27 years have been a complete waste. Maybe I am being a little too hard on myself, as surely it canít have all been wasted? I feel that life is like a river journey we decide where we want to go when there are forks in the river or when we want to drop anchor for a little time.
I feel that I have boarded this boat and just not bothered with the oars, just cast off and let the current take me wherever it wants to without a care in the world of what fate might await me down stream. I have no answer why I have done this maybe because I have never really known what I want to do with my life while at school my fellow classmates may have already decided on a future career I was still undecided and even today I have no idea what I want to do with my life and that is the thing that frightens me, I look around and see all my friends settled down with careers and what am I doing working in a dead end job and for how much longer I will even be able to say that is something. Yes I have friends who are in jobs that they may not like but the difference between them and myself is they have a plan they know what they want to eventually do and are working towards achieving these goals - I cannot say the same thing, as I still donít have any goals.
Only I know what I want to do and only I can solve the mess that is known as my life, so looks like I have some serious work to do.
Sunday, August 14, 2005
I am just so wary and tired at the moment but hopefully that will all chance in the next few weeks or thatís the hope anyway. I knew that things were too good to last and today I had to put up with the same bitching that we have all become accustomed to but I think what makes it worse is the fact that we know that the bitching is being done for a reason, to try and manipulate people and when those people (ME!!) donít do what they are supposed to or respond in the way that is expected. All really childish and the sooner this comes to an end the better as it makes everyoneís life a living hell and I am just not paid enough to put up with this type of crap.
Of course I really should be working on my curriculum vitae at this moment or more importantly doing the finishing touches to it as you never know when it will come in handy!
The Final Countdown...
Friday, August 12, 2005
Sometimes no matter how much you many want to do something you really cannot bring yourself to do it and that is the position I now find myself in, if I am honest I have felt like this for quite some time. Of course I know what needs to be done and without doing it the outcome that I fear becomes more likely. Donít you just love it when I leave these cryptic entries, I really donít know why I bother maybe it is just a way for me to let some of the thoughts that go through my head out or it could just be the fact that I lead such a boring life that I really donít have anything else to write about.
Friday, August 12, 2005
Tonight sees the last of this series of Big Brother after 78 days it will finally be over. It really does not seem that long ago that we were introduced to the housemates but when you think about it so much has happened in that time. Was it really back at the end of May when it started but hark at me no one should get upset or fear the end of a mere television programme life is more important and that is what people should be more concerned about.
The end of Big Brother also signals how close we are to the end of the summer holidays, even though once you start working you never really have the same holidays as you did while at school but I had hoped mine would be more exciting and fulfilling than they have turned out to be but then again you know what they say about the best laid plans and all that. As Chelsey a former friend once told me things happen for a reason, itís just sometimes we never get to know that reason!
Still working on the ďRandom FactsĒ page and on checking my ďReview Of 2004Ē it was all ready to go online, so it is a good job that I reread it as when I wrote it I was pretty emotional so it contains certain details and facts that I would rather keep private.
Wow, the bitterness is really seeping into these words as I type so think now would be a good time to leave.
Oh yes, thanks to the person who asked me the question ďyour old and creepy the only good thing is your reading half blood prince...get a job and a family!Ē Well that is a statement not a fucking question!!!
The only good thing was the book I was reading, well I have finished that now so just old and creepy, oh yes I also have a fucking job and I have a family - which you dim-witted little fucker would know if you have bothered to look at my site so just fuck off.
Tuesday, August 09, 2005
As Fox keeps saying I have to keep the paying customers happy with an entry every so often on this site. However not really got a great deal to talk about but then again that has never stopped me in the past. I am still continuing to work on updating various sections of the site and hopefully the first of these to be finished will be the Random Facts page which at this moment is having a complete make over, in fact if anyone has ever wanted to know a random fact about me leave a comment and I shall see about including the answer in the finished page.
Not sure what I want to see in the cinema next, The Island looks good and then again so does Stealth but apparently that did not do so well in the states, who know I may just have a quiet week and get some other things done.
At work the manager is back and was showing and telling us what she had for her birthday, by some strange coincidence I was up in Port Talbot on her birthday. I was actually up there at the cinema watching War Of The Worlds, yes there was a reason I went to see it twice and no itís not because it is a fantastic film!
Well that will have to keep all you paying customers happy and donít think I donít know who you are so leave a comment!
Friday, August 05, 2005
Did a little work updating the site offline last night, not really as much as I wanted as I went to see Charlie And The Chocolate Factory and I am really undecided as to whether I prefer the original version to this new one starring Johnny Depp I did find this version darker and the actual story was better as it gave a background into who Wille Wonka was so yes thought it was a good film.
It seems that I may have to use extreme caution in what I actually put on this site as itís existence is beginning to filter thought to the people in work, and people associated with work. How was I supposed to know that a simple comment I made over a year ago would become such a popular keyword for search engines? I have attempted some damage limitation by hiding these entries but feel that the cat may already be out of the bag. Oh well everyone is entitled to there own opinion if you donít like it tough!
It does seem the longer you leave something the harder it becomes to actually do, this is something that I always do and never seem to learn from. Oh before I forget got an email off Nathan one of my good friends who has moved out to Australia, still think it is a little early to be asking for my invite over!!!
Wednesday, August 03, 2005
Just in case you have not noticed I have changed my layout, (you may want to hit the refresh button if the layout has not changed). I have been planning this for a little while as the Fortress Of Solitude was getting a little old and no longer felt right, when I created that layout it meant something to me. So now a change of movie to Se7en so grab your popcorn and make sure you get to your seats as updated content is sure to follow in the next few weeks so keep an eye open for updates on the site and please leave comments as to what you think of this layout.
Well my dvdís turned up today, I know I said that I had put a self imposed ban on buying new dvdís but since Christmas I have been really good so looked online the other day and ordered up a few that caught my eye so will no doubt watch at least one later on tonight.
What else have I been up to my cleaning spree seems to have come to a sudden halt all of a sudden but that might have something to do with the reworking of the site as that has taken quite a bit of my time so really will have to carry on with sorting out my financial paperwork and get some of the old stuff binned, I really donít think I need to keep bank statements going back eight years and once I get that sorted it should start making an improvement to the general appearance of the room.
Loads of things have been going through my head the last few days, donít really want to talk about them on here as they are things that need to be sorted out in my own way but a message does go out to Mr Fox and that is hope you got the message about the meeting?
Think I might venture to the cinema tomorrow after work, still undecided at the moment but it has been at least a few days since I last went and I am starting to get withdrawal symptoms.
Had interesting conversations online last night with Karen and got to see Marie live via web cam all the way from South America, there are a few more people that I need to catch up but I am sure that will come in time.
Tuesday, August 02, 2005
I did not mention that one of my friends was stopped by the police on Saturday night, not that there is much more than that to say but by a strange coincidence when I was driving home I nearly knocked down two policemen who were walking in the middle of the road, just thankful I was not going that fast as they really could have messed up the car. Only joking it was however lucky they were there to slow me down as just around the next corner there had been an accident which I would have hit head on.
Another tiring day but I was still able to smile at the end of the day as this photo will testify, not that I would call that much of a smile!
Would you believe ďNightmare-relm.co.ukĒ is two years old today, I know when I first decided to get my own domain it was because I felt guilty about taking up valuable space over at Flaming_monk.org. It really does not feel like two years have passed already and still the site is not finished, well can it ever really be finished? What I mean is two years ago when I decided to get my own domain it was to expand on the previous site and to some extents I have the CSI Fanlisting has grown to an enormous size and I also now run the Quantum Leap Fanlisting which is growing at a much slower rate but that is to be expected with a programme that ended years ago. I am sure I will get around to updating and moving my ďWalesĒ site to this domain in time and I am sure if I can get enough of my friends interested I would add a ďMovieĒ review section as well but that all takes time, which reminds me of a song by the Rolling Stones (originally by Irma Thomas) Time Is On My Side and unfortunately this just is not the case.
Like to thank Ashley and Tiffany and Arienne for taking the time to sign my guest book.
Been another quiet day in work so I decided to build up another wardrobe as if I donít do it now I will only have to do it next week when the manager is back and as I happened to have my camera with me I can subject you all to my handy work, I have finally installed PSP on my mothers computer so I can actually edit the sizes of the imagesÖ
Again this was pretty easy to build up, in fact I did most of it myself only needing some help to get the doors lifted up so no doubt they will get me to build the other wardrobes that are sitting in the warehouse.
Monday, August 01, 2005
Well a new month and will this be any different to the month that has just past, well I for one hope so as I donít really want to be ill during August. I really canít believe how quickly the year is moving past us before we know it we shall be hanging the Christmas decorations up and that is a scary thought. It dawned on me the other day at work as they have a promotion which is running for 13 weeks, that will take us into October and it just does not seem that long.
It is strange how things can change, sometimes it takes a while for these changes to be noticed other times it can almost happen over night. Would you believe that I have been in my present job for six years, really donít think I will make it to year seven and I donít even think I want to deep down. The company has changed a lot over the last six years in how they do things and what they expect so itís about time that I updated my Curriculum Vitae (or ask a friend to take a look over it). No doubt I shall talk more about this over the next couple of days.